Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
