i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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