Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
