but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
