Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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