saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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