As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
