You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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