I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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