and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
