North Korea, Best Korea!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
