next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i out mim tonsoeep
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
