remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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