I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
