My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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