I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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