also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
