sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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