he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
