A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
