Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Found your dick twin last night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Randomize
