my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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