You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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