I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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