Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
