...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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