he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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