dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She needs sedatives and a leash
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
