he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
