his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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