Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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