Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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