So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
