WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
