I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
