dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I died a long time ago.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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