OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
