Your tits are I can't wait for
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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