Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
