Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My vagina just recognized that song.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
