FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i drank out of a bidet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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