i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
