Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Still dying that you shit outside
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
