Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The air was thick with penises
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
