I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
