i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
