Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
