I'm going to jail i love you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
