and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
