tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
