if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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