i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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