i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
