and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The uberlube is also flammable
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
