You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
