weddingsv make me drug and hornr
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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