you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
