He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
