i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
