Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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