once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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