I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
