you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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