Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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